What is an ‘Adult Child’?
I understand the term ‘Adult Child’ in two ways:
- a child who was forced to take on an ‘adult’ role in a family that did not have adequate or reliable adult role models, and
- an adult who, despite being grown-up, has childlike qualities and behaviours that were developed in an unsafe environment
These meanings are both apt and important for grown-up men and women to understand how and why they relate to the world, themselves and others. Children who take on adult responsibilities take life very seriously and often struggle to have fun and enjoy themselves. And adults who revert to childlike behaviours find it hard to navigate conflicts, work, romantic relationships, authority and many other aspects of adulthood. So, being an ‘Adult Child’ is a double whammy that affects many of us who grew up in a less than perfect family.
According to Janet Geringer Woititz, one of the defining features of being an ‘Adult Child’ is feeling different and “guessing what normal is”. Many ‘Adult Children’ feel that they are unique in the concerns and anxieties that they have and believe that they are the only ones who think and feel the way they do. But there are many, many traits, behaviours and limiting beliefs that are common to most ‘Adult Children.’
- Adult Children guess at what normal behavior is, not realizing that ‘normal’ is a myth.
- Adult Children have difficulty following projects through, from beginning to end.
- Adult Children often lie, when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
- Adult Children judge themselves without mercy.
- Adult Children have a hard time having fun.
- Adult Children take themselves very seriously.
- Adult Children have trouble with intimate relationships.
- Adult Children overreact to situations over which they have no real control.
- Adult Children constantly seek approval and affirmation from others.
- Adult Children have a hard time feeling comfortable.
- Adult Children are either irresponsible, or incredibly responsible.
- Adult Children are intensely loyal even when it is obvious that their loyalty may be misplaced.
- Adult Children are impulsive.
Into the Light explores these and other characteristics and limiting beliefs in great detail, and allows the reader to see where and how they apply to him/her and how s/he can make changes.
In the meantime, however, I want to assure you that you are not alone, you are not to blame for any of these behaviors that you may exhibit, and you are in very good company!
What Makes an ‘Adult Child’?
When the phenomenon was first identified and written about in the 1960’s and 1970’s, the term ‘Adult Child’ used to refer only to ‘Adult Children of Alcoholics’. But since then, practitioners have realised that it is not only alcohol that underlies the ‘Adult Child’ syndrome – many behaviours or situations may result in parents who are preoccupied and not able to provide a consistent and loving environment for their children. Chaos and unpredictability in the home can result from alcohol, drugs, gambling and work addictions; depression; chronic illness; eating disorders; co-dependence; physical or emotional abuse; and some other factors.
What is an ‘Adult Child’?
I understand the term ‘Adult Child’ in two ways:
- a child who was forced to take on an ‘adult’ role in a family that did not have adequate or reliable adult role models, and
- an adult who, despite being grown-up, has childlike qualities and behaviours that were developed in an unsafe environment
These meanings are both apt and important for grown-up men and women to understand how and why they relate to the world, themselves and others. Children who take on adult responsibilities take life very seriously and often struggle to have fun and enjoy themselves. And adults who revert to childlike behaviours find it hard to navigate conflicts, work, romantic relationships, authority and many other aspects of adulthood. So, being an ‘Adult Child’ is a double whammy that affects many of us who grew up in a less than perfect family.
According to Janet Geringer Woititz, one of the defining features of being an ‘Adult Child’ is feeling different and “guessing what normal is”. Many ‘Adult Children’ feel that they are unique in the concerns and anxieties that they have and believe that they are the only ones who think and feel the way they do. But there are many, many traits, behaviours and limiting beliefs that are common to most ‘Adult Children.’
- Adult Children guess at what normal behavior is, not realizing that ‘normal’ is a myth.
- Adult Children have difficulty following projects through, from beginning to end.
- Adult Children often lie, when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
- Adult Children judge themselves without mercy.
- Adult Children have a hard time having fun.
- Adult Children take themselves very seriously.
- Adult Children have trouble with intimate relationships.
- Adult Children overreact to situations over which they have no real control.
- Adult Children constantly seek approval and affirmation from others.
- Adult Children have a hard time feeling comfortable.
- Adult Children are either irresponsible, or incredibly responsible.
- Adult Children are intensely loyal even when it is obvious that their loyalty may be misplaced.
- Adult Children are impulsive.
Into the Light explores these and other characteristics and limiting beliefs in great detail, and allows the reader to see where and how they apply to him/her and how s/he can make changes.
In the meantime, however, I want to assure you that you are not alone, you are not to blame for any of these behaviors that you may exhibit, and you are in very good company!
What Makes an ‘Adult Child’?
When the phenomenon was first identified and written about in the 1960’s and 1970’s, the term ‘Adult Child’ used to refer only to ‘Adult Children of Alcoholics’. But since then, practitioners have realised that it is not only alcohol that underlies the ‘Adult Child’ syndrome – many behaviours or situations may result in parents who are preoccupied and not able to provide a consistent and loving environment for their children. Chaos and unpredictability in the home can result from alcohol, drugs, gambling and work addictions; depression; chronic illness; eating disorders; co-dependence; physical or emotional abuse; and some other factors.