The launch of Judy Klipin’s Life Lessons for the Adult Child Exclusive Books, Hyde Park, was a rather prestigious event in the world of life coaching. The guest speaker was none other than world renowned coach, author and columnist for O magazine, Martha Beck, whom Klipin trained with as a life coach.
Penguin’s Alison Lowry, starting the proceedings, said, “I’m holding a very slight, unassuming book. But do not underestimate it, this book carries a very powerful punch and it is going to make waves in the book world”.
Beck agreed. She described how she first met Klipin in Arizona, USA where she was conducting life coach training, some years after she had done a book tour of South Africa and fallen in love with the country and its people. “Sitting on this sofa in this sitting room was a tiny South Africa woman who must have weighed about 10 kilos at the time and was 10 hours jet lagged – which I can completely relate to now – and she had tick bite fever to book. And I said, ‘Well, that’s good because it will keep your reserves down and you will be forced to cough up every secret you have ever been keeping from yourself.’ I did not realise that she would wreak her revenge by pulling me back here by my heart many times, but she has become a force here and South African coaches are better, now, than many in the US – the ones in my tradition at least – because Judy has trained them. Judy’s book is one of the few pieces of fresh, powerful, clear and insightful self-help material that I have read in decades. It is really a fantastic piece of work.”
During a Q&A session, Beck asked Klipin, “What do you mean by an adult child?” Klipin: “Anyone who grew up in an environment which was unpredictable or inconsistent – people who have taken on grown-up responsibilitie as children, and then, as adults, during times of stress and anxiety, become almost childlike. People who are, as a child, like an adult and, as an adult, like a child.” There are a number of questions to answer in determining if you’re an adult child, but two main indicators stand out: “Do you struggle to ask for help; and, when someone disappoints you, do you feel responsible?”
The most important “take away” from the book, said Klipin, is that “adult children develop a lot of strengths which they interestingly enough see as weaknesses, they have a lot of good traits that make them incredibly kind, empathic, good friends, staff and family members because of their loyalty. This book is not going to change who you are, but how you are.” Klipin explained that adult children often have a lot of anxiety and in the book she gives advice of how to get out of that state. “When I was writing this book I really wanted it to be informational, but also a tool for transformation.”
A guest, Alison, asked, “In South Africa we have so many children who are expected to cope with more than anyone can; how do we cope with generations of adult children?” Klipin: “Because of our particular history and context in South Africa we have produced a whole lot of adult children. We need to let the them know that they have the choice to grow.” Beck added, “I see South Africa as a parent to the world and a new way of being has become here. You did the most adult thing that any country has done in creating a peaceful democracy and that is going to resonate. I love my country, but in comparison, the US is like aselfish adolescent.”