You Can Always Get What YOU Want

Do you ever wonder why you manage to achieve some of the goals you set yourself almost effortlessly, while you never quite seem able to leave the starting blocks with others?

I suspect it has to do with how committed you are, at your core, to accomplishing the things you envisage for yourself. Not to the accomplishment of what others envisage for you (or what you imagine others envisage for you), but of what you see for yourself.

I am more and more convinced that we sabotage ourselves, not by aiming too high or putting unrealistic expectations on ourselves, but by aiming for what we think we should aim for – based on other people’s overtly or covertly expressed opinions - rather than what we really want to achieve in our lives. When we do things for others, we are less committed to their successful outcome.

I now understand that the reason I consistently avoided working hard and applying myself throughout my Master’s degree was not because I couldn’t do it. It wasn’t even that I didn’t find it interesting, because I did. The problem was that I was doing it because it was a requirement for my job at the University, not because I chose to study further at that time or in that area. When I enrolled in my coach training programme, however, nothing got in the way of me reaching that goal. Not the horrific exchange rate, which was hovering at 14SA Rand to 1 US Dollar. Not the severe, and what should have been debilitating, case of Tick Bite Fever that struck a few hours before I embarked on the 24 hour commute to America. Not even waking up for the 3am tele-classes, most of which were held in the depths of our winter. Because it was what I really, really wanted to do, from the tips of my toes, to the top of my head and right down into the depths of my soul.

Nothing feels insurmountable when we are clear about what we want, but when we set ourselves up to strive for a goal that is not our own, we find it much harder to navigate the challenges that appear in our path.

Think about something that you have been telling yourself you want to do for some time now, but have not quite managed to get right yet, or that is proving to be something of a struggle. Ask yourself the following questions:

Why do I want to do this?
Why do I REALLY want to do this?
Really, really, why do I want to do this?

If, when you answer these questions honestly, you recognize that there may be some elements of wanting to please others or meet their expectations, at the expense of your own dreams and desires, you have the answer to why you are not doing as well as you think you should or would in that area. And I would suggest a rethink and a reframe of your goals.

In order to reach our dreams and realize our desires, we need to not only be clear about what they are, but also be sure that they belong to us and not to someone else.

Our next weekend coaching workshop will help you to do this. It is set for the 2nd and 3rd of April and is designed to take you through a process that enables you to connect to your essential self, to identify what is meaningful and important to you, and to assist you to plan how to lead a more congruent and authentic life. In other words, to get clear on what is important to you, and set goals that will help you get closer to the life you want to lead, as well as equipping you with the tools to move through any resistance you may encounter. Please e-mail me to make a booking. Space is limited, so don’t wait too long!

I am very excited that Amazon.com are doing such a roaring trade with the pre-orders (release date 27 April 2011) for Life Lessons for the Adult Child, and am looking forward to conversations with readers based outside of South Africa. Please drop me a line if you have any insights you would like to share about the book, or would like to sign up for one of the adult child programmes I offer.

I hope that you have a wonderful March, filled with clarity and the achievement of what is important to you.

Love Judy