“May you be happy.  May you be well.  May you be free from suffering."

Do you sometimes think that if you were thinner/funnier/better looking/more interesting your life/relationships/work/world would be happier/more loving/more lucrative/ healthier? 

Many of my clients do too!  They are the not so lucky recipients of the umbrella limiting belief I have named “If I were better, it would be better.” 

I am not sure if most people hold this belief (I suspect so) or if it is particular to adult children. (I do also have a deep and abiding suspicion that most people are adult children or at least have adult child tendencies.) 

I speak about adult children a lot. In fact, I have even written a book on the topic.  But what exactly is an adult child?  An adult child is – to my mind – a grown up who, for any number of reasons, had a childhood that was inconsistent or unpredictable in some way or for some time.  Which accounts for pretty much everyone because, no matter how hard parents try, it is just not possible to create a perfect childhood for their kids.  Adult children are so named because they are often very responsible and reliable in childhood, and frequently feel small, vulnerable, voiceless and choiceless as adults. 

If any of the following statements apply to you, there is a good chance that you are adult child, or have adult child tendencies:

• You rarely – if ever – ask for help
• You don’t like being told what to do, and tend to resist authority
• You feel responsible when people disappoint you
• You feel don’t feel good enough and are anxious and insecure a lot of the time
• You believe other people’s needs – real or imagined – are more important than your own
• You have a tendency to expect the worst

Because situations that are stressful or anxiety-provoking often bring out the ‘child’ in the adult child, adult children often feel inadequately equipped to make themselves heard and understood.  This has obvious implications for how adult children relate to others, to themselves and to their world and how they are able to express themselves; at work, socially and at home.  Many adult children feel trapped in situations over which they have no control, and no choice. 

But we always have choice, all the time.   We can choose what we do and how we do it.  We can choose who we spend time with and how we spend that time. We can choose what to do with our lives and when to start. 

We are making choices every waking minute of every day, but we need to allow ourselves to consciously decide to make choices that make us happy and fulfilled. Once adult children become aware of the limiting beliefs and behaviours that beset them, they are able to change – not who they are, but how they are.  And mostly, this involves making healthy and positive choices for themselves and their lives.

My self-proclaimed job as a coach is to help my clients “give themselves permission to make new choices.”  I offer a range of coaching options to choose from:

• Individual coaching – Private and Corporate
• Day long workshops
• Adult Child Tele-classes
• Monthly internet-based group coaching sessions – this month’s one is scheduled for Tuesday 24 May
• Team Building and Communication in the Workplace

Please drop me a line if you would like to find out more about any of these options. 

In the meantime, I invite you to look at your to-do list and ask yourself the following questions:  Do I choose to do this task?  If I do, how do I choose to do it?

May everything you choose to do this month bring you happiness, health and peace.  

Love Judy